Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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