She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
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The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize