I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
