I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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