She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
