Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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