you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
