Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I need a beard to bite.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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