She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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