Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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