What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
