One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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