I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Small penises have feelings too.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
