There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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