I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
