btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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