you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
