Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize