I puked a lego.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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