We're like a lot better than the average bears
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
