I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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