If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
