We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
