he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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