turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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