I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
