A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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