Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
