yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
