Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
