So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
