He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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