Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
zippers are such a cool invention
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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