John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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