Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need a beard to bite.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
