how can u be prego again
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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