This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
