I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
