I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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