Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
