It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
