There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
