I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
