So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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