I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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