Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
