as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
