my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I love you.
Bad choice
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
