garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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