8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
