GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
