Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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