Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
