She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
