summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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