Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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