I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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