I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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