So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
