Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
