You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
