put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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