I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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