is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
