dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
