Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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