Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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