you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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