I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
