is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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