You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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