I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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