Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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