there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
