I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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