So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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