I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
