Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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