I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well you can't waste a boner
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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