I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
