I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
